Hey, Let’s Talk About the Mind Games We Play with Ourselves
You know how sometimes you’re sitting at your desk, and one little thing goes wrong—like, you miss a deadline or your manager gives you vague feedback—and suddenly your brain’s like, “I’m the worst employee ever”? Or maybe you’re replaying that awkward moment from yesterday’s meeting and thinking, “Now everyone probably thinks I’m an idiot.”
First of all, you’re not alone. We all do this. Our brains are great at turning minor issues into major catastrophes, and that’s where cognitive distortions come in. These are sneaky, distorted ways of thinking that make things feel way worse than they actually are.
But here’s the cool part: once you know how to spot these distortions, you can challenge them, flip the script, and stop them from running the show.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Okay, picture this: cognitive distortions are like wearing a pair of sunglasses that warp reality. They twist the way you see yourself, your work, and even the people around you. You don’t even notice they’re there, but suddenly everything looks darker, scarier, and more hopeless than it actually is.
The first step? Recognizing the shades.
Common Distortions We’ve All Been Guilty Of
Let me break down a few of these mind traps for you.
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
- This is when you see things in extremes—like there’s no middle ground.
- Example: “If I don’t absolutely crush this project, I’m a failure.”
- Sound familiar? It’s exhausting, right? Perfection or bust is no way to live.
2. Overgeneralization
- This one’s fun (not really). It’s when you take one bad moment and decide it applies to everything.
- Example: “I bombed this presentation, so I’ll probably bomb every presentation I ever give.”
- It’s like your brain gets stuck on a single mistake and refuses to see the bigger picture.
3. Catastrophizing
- Oh boy, the classic “jump to the worst-case scenario” move.
- Example: “I made a typo in that email—now everyone will think I’m incompetent, and I’ll probably get fired.”
- Spoiler alert: You’re not getting fired for a typo. Promise.
4. Personalization
- This is when you take everything personally, even stuff that has nothing to do with you.
- Example: “The team missed the deadline. It’s probably my fault for not working harder.”
- Honestly, it’s like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders when you really don’t need to.
5. Mind Reading
- Ah, the assumption game. This is when you “just know” what others are thinking—usually something bad.
- Example: “My coworker didn’t say hi to me this morning. They must be mad at me.”
- Truth is, they’re probably just thinking about their coffee.
Why Do These Distortions Matter?
Here’s the deal: these thought patterns feel real, but they’re not facts. They mess with your head, stir up unnecessary stress, and hold you back from showing up as your awesome, capable self.
If you can learn to spot these distortions—and challenge them—you can stop them from hijacking your emotions and actions.
Real Talk: A Story About Alex’s Overgeneralization
Let me tell you about Alex. He’s a team lead, super sharp, but he made a mistake during a big presentation. His immediate thought? “I’m terrible at this. I should never lead another presentation again.”
Classic overgeneralization, right?
But here’s the thing: when Alex took a step back, he realized the rest of his presentation went great. The mistake? It was one tiny moment in an otherwise solid performance.
Once he saw the distortion, Alex reframed his thought: “One mistake doesn’t define me. I can learn from this and get even better.”
Boom. Perspective shift.
What About You? Spotting Your Distortions
Let’s make this personal. Think about the last time you felt super stressed or down about something. Ask yourself:
- What was the situation?
- Maybe it was a meeting, a deadline, or a tough email from your boss.
- What thought popped into your head?
- Was it something like, “I’ll never get this right,” or “Everyone’s judging me”?
- Which distortion does it sound like?
- All-or-nothing? Mind reading? Catastrophizing?
- What’s a more balanced way to look at it?
- Example: Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “This didn’t go as planned, but I’m learning and improving.”
Another Example: Sarah’s Catastrophizing Moment
Sarah got an email from her manager saying, “Let’s meet this afternoon to discuss your work.”
Her brain went full catastrophe mode:
- “I must’ve done something wrong. What if I’m in trouble? What if I get fired?”
But when Sarah paused and thought it through, she realized:
- She had no evidence she was in trouble.
- Her manager often called quick check-ins.
By the time the meeting rolled around, Sarah was calm—and guess what? The meeting was about giving her a new project to lead.
How to Break Free from These Traps
Here’s your action plan when you catch yourself spiraling:
- Pause and Name It:
- Stop yourself and say, “Wait, is this a cognitive distortion?”
- Challenge It:
- Ask yourself:
- “What’s the evidence this thought is true?”
- “What’s the evidence it’s NOT true?”
- Ask yourself:
- Reframe It:
- Replace the distortion with a thought that’s more balanced and constructive.
- Take Action:
- Use your new perspective to make a plan or move forward instead of getting stuck.
Practice Activity: Let’s Try This
Think about a time recently when you felt anxious or frustrated at work. Write this down:
- The Situation: What happened?
- The Thought: What were you telling yourself?
- The Distortion: Which cognitive distortion does this sound like?
- The Reframe: How could you view it differently?
Final Thoughts: Call Out the Lies Your Brain Tells You
Cognitive distortions are sneaky. They creep in and convince you things are worse than they really are. But now you’ve got the tools to spot them and call them out.
Remember: you don’t have to believe every thought your brain throws at you. Thoughts are just thoughts—they don’t define you.
So the next time you’re stuck in a loop of negativity, pause, reflect, and reframe. You’ve got this.
Let’s start rewriting the stories we tell ourselves, one thought at a time.